Some things are better be documented when they are. Feeling is one example – and we tend to document them through expression. But in the past I tend to focus on the bad feelings. I have all the poems expressing my disgust, my disappointment, my ache. But I only have a few documenting my highs.
And I’m high on love right now. So I’ll write.
He feels like satisfaction. Maybe like earning your favorite peak. It’s an overflowing feeling when you discover, or achieve. High dose. Hard work paid off. But at the same time, it’s a calm satisfaction. Maybe like meeting your all-time favorite geek. Or like going home. He feels like enough. Like you’re being overconfident that you’ll be sufficiently content to be around for infinity. Feels like you’ve seen it all, there is no more to see. Or maybe it’s enough because in it you still have so much to see.
He feels like pride. Like someone you can always adore. Like seeing a great potential growing up. Like a teammate to always count on, that one person whose quality you want to brag about. He’s good at everything. He’s lovely on everything.
He feels like education. Or inspiration. It feels like you’re embarking with him an expedition of finding the treasure of life’s seemingly boring task. He minds your curiosity to random, insignificant goods of daily life. He knows their science. He’s the kind of knowledge that’s inviting, not intimidating. And in education, you level up. It translates dreams into vision, a tangible goal. It makes you grow up, rapidly, steadily.
He feels like my contribution. Where my strength and weaknesses are welcome as complementary. Where I am appreciated for my quality, and tolerated for my flaws – which aspire me to improve, tolerate, give, love, because I really want to, not because I feel like I have to. He makes me feel like I’m ready to give up the things I love because I’m happy to do it for me.
He feels like a risk worth taking. An effort worth enjoying. A temporary feeling worth nurturing.
Here and now, I love him.
So much, more than the future can obscure how much I mean when I’m documenting this. And I'm embracing all this cheesy expression triggered by this feeling.